Dear Aunt Flo,

This is a record-breaking four-week visit! You’ve never stayed this long before. At first I was really glad you came because it had been so long (47 days to be exact) since you came around again, but now you are way overstaying your welcome.

menstrual cycle calendar menstruation forever

I guess I shouldn’t complain. You’ve been a punctual friend over the years, visiting when you’re expected, leaving promptly after four to five days. I’d come to rely on you and enjoy your visits. If you’re being a bit erratic lately, not showing up on time or staying way too long, it’s probably because we’re getting closer to saying goodbye to each other and it’s tough. For both of us.

I get more than a little bit emotional about you going away for good. I’m struck with fear and sadness at the thought of growing old and dying. Mentally I want to clutch tightly at your legs and beg you not to go. Don’t leave me. Please. In reality I’m annoyed at the inconvenience that has dragged on this long. I mean, I still manage to have a sex life, but you hold me back from giving it my all. Worries about staining sheets, partners’ reactions to blood… you know how it goes.

I’m trying not to flip out about your prolonged stay. I’ve googled it. Apparently it’s normal for this stage. I’m not going to drug myself or get a hysterectomy.

I’m going to love you. I’m going to cherish your visits. And I don’t care how long you go away in between, I’ll be happy to see you whenever you come around. I’ll treat you like it may be the last time I’ll ever see you.

I love you, you dirty bitch!

Dear Aunt Flo writing with dip pen and menstrual blood

P.S. Here’s a haiku for you.